Back to School Tips for Divorced Parents

Transitions are always difficult for divorcing or divorced families, as new schedules and obligations can disrupt mutually agreed-upon rules and practices. Just like summer break, the start of the school year can create issues and questions for parents who are separated or divorced.

Below are some tips to help divorced or separated parents minimize the stress and confusion that often accompany the start of the school year. Here are three to consider discussing.

Let the Teachers and Coaches Know
In order to curtail any confusion and avoid misconceptions, separated or divorced parents should inform teachers (especially those of elementary and middle school-aged children) about their family situation.  Ideally, this should be done via email or phone before the start of the school year so the teacher/coach is told well in advance rather than on the first day of school. The discussion might involve explaining that your children live in two different households (which is why they sometimes need to bring extra clothes to school), as well as why different people are picking them up each day.
You should also be sure to notify the teachers about any significant others that are involved in the children’s lives especially with respect to pick up and drop off at school or daycare. Ensure both parent’s contact information is listed with the school so that in case of an emergency someone will be reached.  This is the time to put any animosity aside and put yourself in your child’s shoes.  If they have an emergency at school or need to be picked up they will want to know it’s taken care of and not that their parents are fighting.

Splitting Costs
If an agreement has been reached, review your settlement agreement as it likely addresses the division of extracurricular costs.  If an agreement has not been reached consider attending mediation to address any outstanding financial issues.  If your child is attending college, keep in mind that many of the costs contemplated by the child support guidelines for children living at home are not covered, such as dorm setup costs and/or a new laptop.

The unpublished decision of  Werosta v. Werosta, 2011 N.J. Super. Unpub. LEXIS 2237, discusses child related costs, the court stated:  “A divorced parent is not bound indefinitely to pay the costs of all extracurricular activities that the other parent chooses for the children. Neither parent may unreasonably withhold agreement, but where an activity is unusually costly or inappropriate for other reasons, and it is not unreasonable for a parent to disapprove the expense or activity, the parent who nevertheless insists on that activity should bear the cost.” Consider using an app to track expenses in order to minimize an arguments over finances, such as OurFamilyWizard.com or ExExpense.com.

Shared Calendar
Unless you have a very antagonistic relationship with your ex, you should try to attend important school events together. This includes special events/activities like dropping your kids off on the first day of school, attending band or orchestra concerts, cheering at sporting events, and visiting the teacher for parent-teacher conferences. It is important that you both feel like you are in the loop, and that your children feel you are both equally interested in their academic success and extracurricular activities.

If you really can’t stand to be around each other, try to alternate attending events every-other time. But, for the sake of the children. Having both parents in attendance for these important school milestones is what is best for them.  A good way to keep each other informed is to start a shared Google calendar for school-related events. Failing to keep your ex informed of important school events, either intentionally or unintentionally, will only cause greater problems for you and your children, so it is imperative to come up with a communication plan that works for all of you to avoid unnecessary conflict.

It is my hope that these suggestions will help make the back-to-school season as easy and stress-free as possible for you and your family. Contact Jessica N. Mazur at jmazur@hoaglandlongo.com or call 732-545-4717.

His Girlfriend Isn't Allowed Near His Kids and Here's Why

His Girlfriend Isn't Allowed Near His Kids and Here's Why...

When should a divorce agreement have restrictions on parties having an overnight with a significant other during their parenting time? Judge Jones takes up the mantle of clarifying the appropriate circumstances for DeVita restraints in his recent published decision.

In Mantle v. Mantle, the parties voluntarily agreed to keep their children away from their respective boyfriend or girlfriend.  I have encountered a few cases where the parties agree to this kind of restriction.  The restraints always seem like a good idea at first, especially when you're in the middle of a divorce and moving onto another relationship is the furthest thing from your mind.  But when you move on and your significant other has not, what then?  How do you get the restraints lifted? 

Seeing as the case law on this subject has not been addressed in detail since 1976 in DeVita v. DeVita, the timing was right for Judge Jones to tackle the issue.

In DeVita, the Husband argued that a restriction on having an overnight visit with his girlfriend in the presence of his children was an impingement on his constitutional right to privacy.  The Appellate Division affirmed the trial court’s decision, reasoning that the mother’s concern over the moral welfare of her children being endangered by the presence overnight of a female friend in the father's household was likely shared by the broader community and that it was in the children's best interest to restrict the girlfriend from being in the children's presence overnight.  DeVita from that point on somehow became the benchmark for every future attempt of a party to restrict an ex’s girlfriend or boyfriend from being around their kids.

Judge Jones, in reviewing the DeVita decision, said that DeVita did not establish a rule approving such restraints, but that the Appellate Division in DeVita simply confirmed the trial court decision because it had not been wrong in allowing such restraints given the circumstances.

In coming to this conclusion, Judge Jones looked to the reported decisions of other trial courts who have grappled with DeVita. In Kelly v. Kelly, 217 N.J. Super. 147 ( Ch. Div. 1986), Judge Clyne allowed a divorced father in a post-judgment situation to have overnight visitation despite the presence of his girlfriend, using the logic that DeVita was a pre-judgment matter where emotions were still raw and the social circumstances new to the children.   

Judge Jones then set down factors a trial court should consider as to whether DeVita restraints should be invoked: 

1) How long have the parties been living separately?

2) How old is the child?

3) How long is the dating relationship?

4) Does the child know the dating partner?

5) Has the child been introduced to other dating partners of either party?

6) Does the child have any emotional or psychological problems?

7) Are there any facts about this dating partner that indicates there is a danger of harm?

Judge Jones finally concluded that DeVita gives the trial court authority to decide these matters and that the vague agreement of the parties has to first consider the best interests of the child and then legitimate social needs of the parties.  The Judge accordingly expanded the general prohibitions in the parties’ agreement.  He called for a six-month moratorium on exposing the child to a new dating partner, beginning with the couple's separation in October 2014.  After six months, but before 12 months, the parties may introduce the child to new dating partners, but that person may not stay overnight when the child is present.  After 12 months, the parties are free to have a dating partner stay overnight when the child is present, Jones ordered.  For more information see the article written in the Law Journal on the decision.

The take-away: a restriction of this nature should consider both the best interests of the child and the needs of the parties.

If you have questions regarding modifying restrictions in your settlement agreement, you can contact me at jmazur@hoaglandlongo.com or at 732-545-4717 x3859.

It's a Jungle Out There - Name Change Post-Divorce

The things you need to know about changing your name post-divorce or after marriage.

First of all, if you're getting married and thinking of changing your name, think twice especially if you're an established professional.  Your name is part of your brand, don't give that up.

I've definitely seen a trend where women are taking their husband's name less and less.  When I got married, it didn't really matter to me to keep my maiden name (or prior surname, as the courts call it).  Looking back I should have talked to friends and family about taking my then husband's name.  It was important to him that I take his name and equally as important to him that I give it back in our divorce.  He insisted that the Final Judgment say "Wife SHALL resume her maiden name" rather than the usual "Wife MAY resume her maiden name."  It is entirely up to the Wife how she wants to be named.  Ultimately I figured I was young enough in my career to take my maiden name back, plus he had already claimed that I built my career using his name and I didn't need that following me around for the rest of my life.  It does feel good to use the surname Mazur, the name my proud immigrant parents gave to me.  Of course, it's always a completely different situation when you have children with your spouse.  There are many other things to consider, like what last name will they use for your child at baseball or dance registration, the confusion can cause tears on the field or dance floor.  In those situations, sometimes it's easier to keep your married name even after you're divorced.  What follows is the pain in the neck process that I had to go through for name freedom:

1.  Get 3 certified copies of your Final Judgment of Divorce.  Here's how to request additional copies:  Request a certified copy of your Judgment of Divorce.

2.  Tell your employer of your name change, you will have to fill out a new W-4 form for the IRS and maybe a new I-9 form.  For more info check out this link:  Forms to fill out at work.

3.  Change your name through social security. Here is the form from the Social Security website.  I took the form and all the proper documents to the social security office, including a certified copy of my Final Judgment of Divorce.  Find your local office here:  Social Security office locations.  Don't worry they will mail your forms back to you (I know, I was scared to turn the certified copy over too). 

4.  Change your name on all bank accounts, retirement accounts and credit cards.  Contact each office directly as they each have a different process or form, some easier than others.  For example, all the credit cards were easy to change but the investment accounts and savings accounts were a bit more complicated.

5.  Change your name on any professional licenses.  This was surprisingly easy, I just had to fax a name change request to the State Board of Bar Examiners.  You can also do it on-line through the Attorney Registration page or in writing to the Lawyers’ Fund for Client Protection.  They will accept address changes by mail at PO Box 961, Trenton, NJ  08625-0961 or by fax at 609-394-3637.  More info can be found here:  https://www.njbarexams.org/home.

6.  Change your driver's license, bring your first born and the blood of a virgin, because this was the hardest process.  Here is a link to the proof of identity documents you need to bring with you:  NJ MVC tru-id license document requirements.  I waited till I got my new Social Security Card before I went to change my driver's license.

7.  Change your passport.  Years ago I had a friend who got divorced and mailed in her passport for a name change.  They sent her old passport back to her with her new name on the last page.  They don't do it that way anymore.  I got a brand new passport wiped clean of my old name.  You have to mail in your old passport and a Certified copy of your Final Judgment of Divorce, with the completed form and fee.  Click here for the form - Getting a new passport.  Maybe I'm paranoid, but I was worried that my entire identity was going to be lost and I'd never be able to travel internationally again.  No worries, I got everything back safely and promptly.  When you get your new passport don't panic because your supporting name change documents won't be there.  Your documents will come the next day or two in a separate envelope from the State Department.

If you aren't changing your name incident to a marriage or divorce or if you need to change your name after you're married or long after you're divorced, you can do so through the courts:

Adult Name Change - when changing your name doesn't immediately follow marriage or divorce.
Changing your name after your divorce when a new Court Order is needed.

If you need additional information please contact me:

Jessica N. Mazur, Esq.
732-545-4717 x3859
jmazur@hoaglandlongo.com
www.hoaglandlongo.com

How can credit scores impact your dating life, marriage or divorce? Part 4 of 4: Credit Building Tips and Mistakes

How can credit scores impact your dating life, marriage or divorce?  Part 4 of 4:  Credit Building Tips and Mistakes

Some tips on how to build credit: 

• Get cards in your name, after about a year call and ask for an increase in credit, not to use, just to have and to increase your income to debt ratio.

• Attack your credit cards or loans with the smallest first because it feels so good to have a zero balance and it will encourage you to keep attacking your debt.  Use a company like zendough.com or creditkarma.com to track how paying down your debt is increasing your credit score, it’s like a game! 

• Have diverse loans:  credit cards, mortgage, student loans, and car.  Though you can reach a high credit score with credit cards and student loans alone, eventually you may need to make a large purchase (like a home or a car) and the loan company would like to see that you can handle something more substantial than a just the monthly minimum on your credit card.

Some mistakes to avoid:  

• If you have a spending problem, don’t cancel all your cards, this will negatively impact your score (cut the cards up if you have to in order to avoid charging or freeze them in water in your freezer, it’s hard to swipe a block of ice);

• Do not transfer your entire credit card balance to a 0% card and max that card out.  Use less than 50% of the max credit on your cards.  If you have a $10,000 limit you want to have a balance of less than $5,000.  In addition, if you continuously open new credit cards with a zero percent interest rate offer and transfer your balances this can negatively impact your score.  Though this can be a good debt pay down strategy be aware of how this will impact your score and curb this behavior before you try to buy a car or a home; and

• Limit the number of credit inquires per year this includes running your credit report, opening new accounts of any kind (car loan, credit cards, mortgage, cell phone, etc.). 

When all else fails and repairing your credit before making a large purchase is not an option or the hole is too big to climb out, here is a great article on the impact of credit damage and how there is actually a way to quantify the damage: http://www.familylawyermagazine.com/articles/credit-damage

My next blog will touch on the process of changing your name after divorce and what a pain in the a$$ it is.

Have questions call or email me:
732-545-4717 x 3859
jmazur@hoaglandlongo.com

All Four Parts of How Can Credit Scores Impact Your Dating Life, Marriage or Divorce?

How can credit scores impact your dating life, marriage or divorce? Part 3 of 4: Divorced? How do you build your credit?

Part 3 of 4:  Divorced?  How do you build your credit?

Your credit score is based on several different factors and these things can impact your score:

• Late payments - late payments will negatively impact your score, typically the late payment needs to be 30 days or more late to impact your score, but why risk it;
• High balances - a high balance in your bank account is good, a high balance on your credit card?  Not so good.  Pay down your cards, starting with the card with the highest interest rate or the highest balance;
• Utilization of credit - maxed out cards will impact your score negatively; 
• Opening new accounts all at once - What about that new cell phone account you have to open to separate your account from your Ex-spouse?  The cell phone company will run your score before they open the account and that will impact your score too;
• Debt to income ratio, how much debt you carry verses how much income you earn will impact your score;
• Length of credit history - old credit cards are good credit cards (years of consistent payments are a good thing).  If you have a hard time controlling your spending don't call and cancel the account.  Cut up the card or freeze it in a block of ice to prevent you from using it as closing an account that you've had forever will shorten your credit history.

Next I will provide more credit building tips and mistakes to avoid.

All Four Parts of How Can Credit Scores Impact Your Dating Life, Marriage or Divorce?

Have questions call or email me:
732-545-4717 x 3859
jmazur@hoaglandlongo.com

How can credit scores impact your dating life, marriage or divorce? Part 2 of 4: Married? What’s your credit score and why should you care?

Part 2:  Married?  What’s your credit score and why should you care?
 
If you only use your spouse’s credit cards you are NOT earning credit in your name even if your name is on the card as an authorized user. This is because the account is in your spouse’s name and they are primarily responsible in the event of a default on the card.  So no, the $5,000 vacation you just charged and paid off does NOTHING for your credit.  Neither does the car payment that is in his name even if it’s paid from your joint bank account.  Credit companies don't care how the credit card is being paid they just want to know that the person responsible for the card is paying it consistently on time.

Three tips to build your credit while you're married:

1.  Get cards in your name;

2.  Insist on a mortgage AND deed being in your name (this is HUGE for so   
     many reasons and not just your credit);

3.  Insist on that car loan being in both your names if your credit is 
     insufficient to get a low interest rate, because if you wind up divorced it 
     will be harder to build credit on your own.

Building up your credit can be done after the divorce, I hit over 900 within 2 years of my divorce, a jump of 300 points!

Up Next, Part 3:  Divorced?  How do you build your credit?

Can't wait?  Get the full article here:  Credit Scores: Dating, Married or Divorced

Have questions?  Call or email me:

732-545-4717 x 3859

jmazur@hoaglandlongo.com

How can credit scores impact your dating life, marriage or divorce? Part 1 of 4: Dating a credit score?

How can credit scores impact your dating life, marriage or divorce? Part 1 of 4:

Call me old fashioned, after all, various companies have been judging you for years based on your credit score, so why can’t I apply this age old “weeding out” process in relationships? 

Roll with me for a second, hear me out.

1.  Dating?  What’s your significant other’s credit score?

I’ve actually asked this question (I’m not shy) and I’ve asked to see a credit report.

(yes he laughed, but I’m not making the same mistake twice). 

You don’t want to find out once it’s too late that your “other” is still paying off their college loans 20 years later.  You don’t want to find out that your “other” carries tens of thousands in credit card debt without any care like it’s their everyday purse.  Sure they treat you to nice dinners and vacations but is everything that’s going on that AmEx, “because of the points”, being paid off or is it accumulating? 

One of the number one things people fight about when in a relationship is money.  Know what you’re getting into before love makes you blind. 

Oh yeah, and that guy who laughed when I said I’d want to see the credit report for my next serious relationship asked me how I felt about pre-nups…on Valentine’s Day…during our romantic dinner.  Seriously?  Seriously.

Up Next, Part 2:  Married?  What’s your credit score and why should you care?

Can't wait?  Get the full article here:  Credit Scores: Dating, Married or Divorced

Have questions call or email me:

732-545-4717 x 3859

jmazur@hoaglandlongo.com